Year's End

Christmas is over and the new year approaches. I find myself tremendously happy and satisfied.

We made sacrifices and worked hard to make our home warm and inviting, we gave generously to our family and poured out our love with food and gifts. Because I am married to a loving, generous man, I am learning from him every year. I choose to be generous, I choose love over worry. I know it is not the amount you spend but the choice to give of yourself, to think of others first.

I am grateful for my many blessings, especially my family, my friends, my home, and my job. I am blessed with a new son-in-law this year and the provision we had to bring our family to Hawaii for the wedding. I am at peace with this year and look forward to the next.

I pray God will touch your life. and you will know it is Him at work and remember to thank Him, not just for His blessings but for His wonderful love.

Grace and Peace,
Sandy

An Ordinary Woman: Revisited

1 Corinthians 13:1
[ Love Is the Greatest ] If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.


I was contemplating my blog and the progression of it. I find myself confronting the ordinary woman vs. the christian woman within me. I took another look at why I was drawn back to the ordinary woman and I realized it is not the term I should use to describe the shift in my move away from the super spiritual.

The desire of my heart is to be relatable. As a relatable woman, I can be transparent, I can struggle, I can have faith, and I can be unrelenting in my pursuit of God's best in my life. I can also laugh with, cry with, and love those in my life who don't yet know Jesus; without compromising my beliefs.

I haven't always known Him and I thank God for the brave souls who shared their faith with me in a way I could receive it. I will forever be blessed by their love.

God's Heart

God is good

Of this be sure

His ways are just

His motives pure

His love holds fast

Our flailing soul

When it seems

We've lost control

Our heart as gold

Refined by fire

More precious than all

That we desire

And His heart

For us is strong

To lead us all

To heaven our home

What We Will Face

What we will face
Can't be foretold
No promised bliss
As we grow old
In life are trials
That we will face
As we learn to lean
Upon His grace
And trust the One
Who gave His all
That we will stand
After we fall
That joy and peace
Do not depend
On conquering that
Which we contend
That choosing love
Is always best
And at our end
He is our rest.

I wrote this in honor of my friend and co-worker who lost her husband at the beginning of this year and is facing the holidays for the first time without him. Today was his birthday.

Out of the Grey

Out of the grey and drizzly day
The rat-a-tat-tatting on the roof
Inside of my darkened home
I fell so dreary and aloof.

Though I do not come this way
Willingly by conscious choice
So it is as I face this day
I must stand and raise my voice!

For I'd rather that, out of the blue,
Feel joy and great anticipation
Of what this day could possibly bring
Upon my further observation.

For is this not, as each before,
A day the Lord has made?
And won't He take this mourning
Giving me dancing as a trade?

So I will step out of the grey
Into the light of God my King.
And I will choose to stand and shout
And dance and jump and laugh and sing!

Today I Listened

I was working out at the gym today listening to my I-pod to Vicky Beeching singing "Listening". (Please note, I deleted my youtube links so I don't infringe on any copyright laws. Please feel free to search for them yourself.)
And I decided to listen.

What I heard God asking me was, "Did I come to judge or did I come to bring life?"

So off to Bible Gateway I go and enter in the search "give life" and "come judge". Look at John 6:33 and John 10:10. Also John 12:47.(It's important for you to see for yourself and not just take my word for it.) My conclusion is Jesus came to give me life.

So now comes the question, "Why did God ask me that question?" I have been judging my walk lately and find I am coming up short in the time with God department. I have also been judging my life and find the physical body department is also demanding much of my attention. And because I am judging myself, I assume God is judging me as well. And obviously I must be such a disappointment and I need to be changed.

I'm not specifically sure about what he means by bringing me life, but I think he is talking about focus and perspective. I am focusing on issues, he is focusing on the bigger picture. I think he wants me to know what he has for me is life giving. It is free and abundant and overflowing! It is not a downward or inward look, it is an upward and outward look.

Lord, Jesus, take my chin in your hand and lift my gaze to you. Help me remember your good and perfect gifts are what you desire to give me.

Haunted

What an appropriate subject for this month of October.

If you read my last post you know I am going through some struggles with tendinitis or specifically lateral epicondylitis (tennis elbow.) As I have been going to physical therapy two to three times a week over the course of the last month I find myself bringing up the subject that I at one time had Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a very debilitating syndrome with muscle pain throughout the entire body. I began to realize that I was being haunted. If you think about it what does being haunted mean? Isn't it being harassed by the spirit of someone (or something) who (that) has died?

I may have had Fibromyalgia, but I was healed from it by the power of God through a healing service. I haven't had it since that time over 13 or 14 years ago. Yet every time I have an aching muscle or even go in for a massage I allow it to haunt me. I speak of it as if it may be lurking somewhere in this house which is my body.

I began to think about what other "spirits" I have allowed to haunt me. What parts of the "old man" that were put to death in Jesus Christ, do I have wandering the halls of my mind, harassing my thoughts. I think its time to take account and exorcise those "spirits" and be free from their influence. What's dead is dead and it is the truth of Jesus' victory over death, over sin, and his rightful authority over disease - it is this truth that sets me free.

Compare - Compete - Compassion

What brings me to these three words? I have been working through an injury the last few months and I have noticed how people respond to my situation, and in turn, how I respond to their response.

We, in general, have learned that we should have compassion for those who are hurting or less fortunate than ourselves. But how do we express that? In my experience it looks like comparison. I say I'm on light duty because of tendinitis and you say I have had that, or I have this or that. And what was meant to be compassion now feels like competition. And what does competition do? Now I have to be on the offence, or on the defense, and  all I really want is to be done with the stupid pain and get back to taking my health for granted.

I think I must add a fourth "c" - Complain! So now that I feel I'm in a competition as to who has it the worst, I must begin the "woe-is-me" saga and with it be labeled a whiner. I therefore have lost the competition altogether and am feeling alone and unsatisfied.

I'm not sure I know how to get compassion, let alone how to give compassion. I'm sure I will learn. In the meantime I will try to suffer quietly and not complain. I know I've exaggerated slightly just to reveal the feelings behind the words, but I'm guessing you may know what I mean.

To Breathe

Genesis 2:7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁷ Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.

John 20:22

New Living Translation (NLT)

²² Then he (Jesus) breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit."

Inspire comes from a Latin word that means to breathe into, or simply to breathe. So we are born inspired and we are reborn inspired. We are inspired from God and by God.

Here I am, Lord, at your feet,

Breathing in the life you've given.

Breath of God, breath of life, 

Reaching deep within my being.

All your glory set before me,

With awe and wonder I am stricken.

All my heart and soul I give you,

Holy Spirit, gift of heaven.

(http://www.biblegateway.com - I use this webpage for looking up scripture, it is an invaluable tool.)

The Dark Season

This morning when I woke up the clouds were back and I immediately felt downhearted. I realized Fall was fast approaching and with it, the dark season. It's an odd feeling, something I can't quite comprehend, but a feeling I have come to anticipate. I don't seem to be able to prevent it and I don't really want to succumb to it.

It's SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Although I haven't had a doctor tell me I have it, there is no question in my mind that I do. You know the expression, "It's like night and day."? I don't think that was just about something being opposite, I think it had to do with how people act and feel differently from the dark to the light.

In the past I have let this feeling stop me in my tracks. In this season of my life, in this dark season, I will take those feelings and I will make them work for me, I will use them instead of them using me! I will watch and search for the seeds of creativity. I will look for the inspiration. I will brood like a hen over these emotions. I will be like the goose that lays the golden egg. LOL. I will look for the silver lining in these clouds! (And I will look for something original to say.) ;-)

If you are reading this and you aren't affected by this phenomenon, would you pick up the phone and call someone you suspect might be. Sometimes all it takes is a friendly voice to make a difference.

With My Soul

If I seek you, will I find you,
Through the chaos of the day?
Though the world would try to hide you
Will you lead me in the way?

When I'm trembling and I'm humbled
And my world just falls apart,
Though it passes understanding,
Will your peace stay in my heart?

Though my mind is racing endless,
And my thoughts they go astray,
Will you constantly remind me
Everything will be okay?

If the world would end tomorrow,
If my fears would all come true,
If depression slays me heavy,
Will I trust in you?

No matter what my story,
Nor how hopelessly I fail,
Your mercies ever lift me
And with my soul it is well!

An Ordinary Woman

or·di·nar·y

1.

of no special quality or interest; commonplace;unexceptional: One novel is
brilliant, the other is decidedly ordinary; an ordinary person.

For the past few years I've been considering what it means to be ordinary. I've even come to accept that, indeed, that is exactly what I am. But yesterday I looked at my statement that I am just ordinary and I asked myself, "Why is it so important that I see myself as ordinary?" And I realized it is because I am afraid. I know what it feels like to disappoint people: people whom I love, people who don't really know me, people that matter to me and those who count on me. I see that if I give myself the excuse of being ordinary, I don't have to apologize for letting people down, or making a mistake. I don't have to aspire to great things and I don't have to feel devastated when I'm not the person I think I should be. And that leads me to the core of the problem: the biggest issue is my fear of what God expects from me and how fearful I am of disappointing him. So take the expectations away and you take the fear away. That is what I mean by ordinary - free of expectations.


But it's not that simple. True, I am a human being and I make mistakes, no one is perfect. I am not unlike many other people. But I am also a person God delights in and rejoices over, I am the apple of his eye, his thoughts about me are more numerous than the grains of sand, too many to count, he has adopted me into his family, and he loves me with an everlasting love. So maybe it's time to aspire to a better definition of myself. Maybe it's time to look fear in the eye and yell, "If God is for me, who can be against me!?" Maybe...? Forget that - now is the time!

Christian Women

After staring this blog, I looked up "blog" on the internet and found some networks of blogs for Christian women. I considered what that would look like if I tried to join one of them. At one time in my life I would have fit neatly into that area, but not so much anymore. I seemed to have come across a different perspective, not that I am no longer a Christian woman, God forbid, but I don't want to appear perfect because I'm not. I don't want to just write about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I want to write about life - all inclusive. Sometimes I am deeply spiritual and sometimes I am just getting through the day.

I thought about what my priorities are, do I put God first? And my answer surprised me. If I am truly the person I want to be that's not the right question. The right question is - "Is God in me?" The answer, of course, is yes! And therefore, because God is in me, and with me, every part of my life includes God in it, even when I am struggling. I want to honor God by being honest and forthcoming, not by hiding my imperfection. He is strong enough and wise enough to handle it.

Now please don't misunderstand, I am grateful for the wonderful women who network together, sharing their faith, and I will certainly be inspired by them. It's just in this season, this is me and I pray by my being me someone else will be okay being themselves, knowing that God has not forgotten them.

Period

Periods indicate the end of a thought. And in like manner my periods indicate the end of inspiration. Just as I begin a project, or get excited about going to the gym, or start eating a well balanced diet - lo and behold my period comes and everything stops. It has taken me every effort to feel inspired enough to keep writing. I just wish that menopause would come, after all I'm 53 years old, for goodness sake! But then I question, will I find that time when I'm inspired when my hormones have settled down? I should just be thankful for where I'm at and stop wishing for things to be different. I will take advantage of my messed up hormones and take the creativity that comes with it. I will look forward to the time when I will feel inspired again.

Hold My Hand

Hold my hand when I am young
Keep me safe from hurtful things
From racing cars and barking dogs
And in the night with darkness falling.

Hold my hand when I am sweet
In tenderness and playful jests
On long walks and quiet evenings
And just because you are the best.

Hold my hand when I am wed
In the good times and the bad
In the precious joyful moments
And when no words but tears are shed.

Hold my hand in my twilight
In the joy of life proceeding
Hold my hand in my fullness
Of children's children gleefully laughing.

Rolling the Ball

You've heard the saying, you've got to "get the ball rolling?" Well, I'm okay at that, it's what comes next: Rolling the ball. So I'm jumping into this blog with both feet, building up momentum to "keep the ball rolling." My Facebook friends will have to forgive me and hopefully they won't tire of me or worse ignore me altogether. But don't we all look for affirmation and acceptance? I know I do! I think that's why I so easily get discouraged, because we are so busy trying to make it in our own lives that we don't understand the importance we have in the lives of others.

Lord, I want to take a step,
To roll the ball along the path,
To stride into the life you've kept
Preserved and hidden in your grace.

To find the key, unlock the door,
To see in truth this life you shape.
With all my heart to want you more
And from my heart reflect your light.

(Look, the wrong lines rhyme, that's why they call it poetic license.)     :)

Tattooed for Life

On my recent trip to Hawaii to see my daughter get married, my family took a little side trip to get tattoo's. As I watched three of my children subject themselves to the painful pen of the tattoo artist, I contemplated again what I might want permanently etched on my skin. I had thought many times about what I might breakdown and get - a butterfly, a cross, even an eagle soaring across my shoulders - it had to be meaningful - something timeless.

But then I knew -  I had discovered when my last daughter was born that if I took the first letters of my first four kids names and the middle initial of my last daughter's name it spelled the word "grace". Not a perfect formula  but one not only to represent my loved ones but also God's grace of which I am forever grateful. The third meaning for me started with my own birth - "Tuesday's child is full of grace". I have loved to dance since I was a child, not with training, but, from the heart. That's all I want, that's all I need.

So what does that have to do with Opening the Creative Door? Surprisingly to me, I suddenly feel inspired every time I look over my shoulder into the mirror. I feel more graceful and more thankful for the grace I have received. I am ready to express that thankfulness in dance before my Savior. And I am ready to share my story of grace.

The Trouble with Creativity

Most people I know who would consider themselves creative, including myself, tend also to be moody and often times depressed. This is why I am calling this site Opening the Creative Door. It is my attempt to unlock the vast amount of creativity I have locked inside me, and in the process, hopefully, inspire others to push past the mental obstacles keeping them from expressing that creativity.

I know one obstacle will be the fear of being judged. My grammar and spelling may not be perfect and my content may not relate to everyone but . . . here goes!

Let me introduce myself - my name is Sandy, I am a 53 year old mother of 5 grown children, grandmother of 3. I work in a grocery store and I am very much a believer in the saving grace of Jesus. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 34 years. All of these things are wonderful, but, I have yet to achieve - me. What I mean by that is I want to write, to dance, to create. I have written songs and even had a few performed at church. I have written many poems, yet none have been published. I have a desire to create even more, but life is full and when I have free time, I am easily overwhelmed. Starting, stopping, giving up - I recognize there is a fire inside me that longs to burn brightly and I have grown tired of seeing it quenched!